Recast Wednesday - Reservoir Dogs

I meant to do this Wednesday. It's Thursday. My fault.

Anyways...I was sifting through my tapes (yes, tapes) in my car the other day and ran across the Reservoir Dogs soundtrack and it's been in my tape deck ever since. It reminded me of the first time I saw it, the shirt I eventually bought with Mr. White aiming his gun at Mr. Pink, the role it played in upping my movie buffdom. It's a great soundtrack, but it made me do some very sad math - the flick is almost 15 years old.

Because it's that old, it automatically becomes fodder for the Hollywood remake machine, so why not beat them to the punch! To speak it is to own it, after all, so here's my recasting of Reservoir Dogs, produced by Joel Silver and directed by McG (shudder). Gawd, I pray this never happens, but it's a fun exercise, yeah?

Generally - I'm casting a bit younger for two main reasons: a) there's a decent crop of young actors out there and b) many of these roles were custom made to the actors who played them, which means a slightly new direction is basically inescapable. Also, you could start casting out of theater troops or something like that, but I'm intentionally going mainstream because we have a history with these actors and that's what makes it part of the fun. With that in mind:

Mr. White, originally played by Harvey Keitel - Grizzled but not too grizzled, sharp and lucky, able to give and take a beating, no nonsense, likes tacos, good criminal mentor. Does that sound like Bruce Willis to anyone else?

Mr. Orange, originally played by Tim Roth - This role just can't be a boyscout, they need to be able to FREAK when called upon. After seeing him in "Six Feet Under" recently, I'm a fan of someone like Jeremy Sisto. He could be a criminal playing a cop who then can't figure out in a prolonged panic what the hell to do. He's also be less of a bitch then Tim Roth in that movie, though that might lessen the White/Orange father/son thing.

Mr. Blonde, originally played by Michael Madsen - Originally, I was on the Mickey Rourke revival bandwagon, but I basically think Rourke and Michael Madsen are basically the same guy who would do the same take on the psycho criminal bit. So, go the other direction, and my gut says pull a "Tarantino" and find someone forgotten and hungry, someone in career purgatory. Find someone who has a bat-shit psycho inside them but has never let it out, without ever losing his cool. Someone like Pierce Brosnan. Think on it for a second. OK, it's a crappy choice, but this one is HARD.

Mr. Pink, originally played by Steve Buscemi - In going with the "looks like a rat" aesthetic, I'm going to go with Michael Imperioli. He can rant, he's got chops and he crowds would cheer when Mr. White knocks him down if he plays it right. The stretch would be casting him as a loner, which I've never seen him play.

Nice Guy Eddie, originally played by Chris Penn - With Chris Penn now inhabiting that great pool hall in the sky, my initial instinct was to go with his brother Sean. It would be funny, grab headlines and he could pull it off, but what the role really needs is someone who can successfully inhabit a track suit and not seem like he's slumming it for a character. He also needs to be one of the guys, but the one who's most obviously scared and tries to show it the least. It's a tough call, but I'm going with Ryan Phillipe. The guy's played slummy before, he's a decent actor and he's a guy who can play scared. Picture him in the gun triangle at the end and you'll see what I mean.

Joe originally played by Lawrence Tierny - This one's a bit unconventional but let it sink in for a second - John Goodman. Say he drops 80 pounds, he would look like a guy you wouldn't mess with in his prime who had let himself go. He's also genial and he's got a knack for dialogue.

That's fun. I'd love to hear other suggestions.