Summer Movie List No. 2 - Iron Man

Got my tickets. Psyched...as...hell.

First off, I have a comic background that contains very little Iron Man. I know the basics, whispered in tents at camps when I was 9 years old - Tony Stark was a functioning alcoholic who built a suit and fights Mandarin. Over the years, the knowledge base grew, and Iron Man still seemed sort of second tier behind the Batmans and Supermans and Spider-Mans of the world. He was no Thor or Ant Man, but still, second tier.

So when the news came down that John Favreau was directing Iron Man it was time to reexamine how excited to get at the prospect of an Iron Man film. When they cast Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark, it was time for the excitement to start. When the first trailer hit and it was balls out fantastic, it was time to officially start anticipating.

What's there to get excited about? Let's count 'em down.

-The cast. Downey Jr., Terrance Howard, Gwyneth Paltrow (in short skirts, that helps), and The Dude himself, Jeff Bridges as the villain. Knock me over with a feather, what a great freaking cast.
-John Favreau has a knack for a) getting a lot out of his FX budget and b) has a love/hate thing with CGI. When at all possible, he likes the practical over the digital and that shows through in his flicks. Early reports are that it's hard to tell what's CG and what's practical. Good. I'm sick to death of overzealous CGI.
-Iron Man is the first movie from Marvel Studios, and they're looking to set up cross overs. Very cool, IMO.
-A lot of super hero movies brood maybe a touch more than they should. As the clip above demonstrates, Iron Man's got a nice goofy streak in it, but it doesn't look like it sacrifices the serious side of things.
-Stay with me for a sec - I watch "My Name is Earl" and believe that Jaime Pressly, who plays Joy, is a bad to fine actress who has excelled because she's found her role. It looks like Robert Downey Jr. has found his role, and he can act circles around most of his generation. He looks like he rocks a whole lot.

Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait.

Summer Movie List No. 3 - WALL * E

To say Pixar is brilliant is almost a cliche at this point. They've yet to have a true bomb, with the great "Cars" the closest thing - and it wasn't bad, just not up to snuff in terms of the rest of Pixar's classic library. An arguably unblemished track record of the best animation and storytelling of the generation is reason enough to look forward to whatever it is the wizards over there throw at us next.

But after last summer's "Ratatouille," which was the most deeply resonant for me emotionally, I'd look forward to Pixar's remake of Jesus Christ Superstar starring a group of dancing turds after what that group did with a story about a rat who can cook. Frankly, they understand beats and layers and art-gallery quality animation so well, I'm pretty sure they can do anything with anything.

So imagine my delight when they announced their next movie would be, by all accounts, a silent film. There's hardly a word in the trailer (and the words, let's face it, are reeeeealy cute), and the concept Pixar stripped of dialogue...very cool.

Quickly, yes, I know it's a cute robot movie, and yes I know the trailer is kind of full of cliches and yes, I know it's a "kids movie." My contention, as someone who's sat through several Pixar films literally dozens of times with my girls, is that they understand storytelling in a preternatural way and that talent transcends genre. I also would argue that all of Pixar's ruminations on the human condition (Toy Story is about innocence and impending death - really! -, Monsters Inc. is about sacrificing for family, Finding Nemo is about over protectiveness, Ratatouille and The Incredibles is about using your gifts unabashedly) have a kiddie hook, hell, they need a kiddie hook. Again, the folks who did "Ratatouille" could do Hamlet with cute robots and make it work.

Specifically, here's what gives me hope about this movie:

-If there's an environmental message, it does not look heavy handed, thank God. If nothing else, it will be fun to see robots use our garbage for shenanigans.
-The production design of the main character is great, but the color palate is particularly inventive. It's the second sci-fi movie this summer behind Speed Racer to employ really bright colors and I think the film will movie from sepia to bright choices.
-I have no idea what the movie is about. What movie this summer can you say that about?
-It's somewhat refreshing to not have to deal with big named voice talent. The further away I can get from Jerry Seinfeld voicing a bee, the better I'll be.
-Cute isn't necessarily bad all the time.

So I'm really looking forward to WALL * E (I don't know how to make that cute little dot in Blogger), and chances are I'll see it, and then see it again and again and again against my will. But it won't be. It's artistry, plain and simple, and I'll fight the crowds for a peak.

Summer Movie List No. 4 - The Incredible Hulk

First thing we need to get out of the way, and please, take this in the constructive spirit it is intended: If you're one of those people who bitch about the Incredible Hulk looking "fake," I submit that you're expectations are unrealistic. The day science actually invents a way to make a regular person 11 feet tall and bulging with more muscles than the Maine coastline, you will look at the monstrosity of science in front of you and go "phhht. FAKE!"

My point - there is no way to make a creature like The Hulk photo realistic. It simply goes against what our brain tells us. There were shots in Ang Lee's "Hulk" that looked amazing, and while the plot left something to be desired, the special effects were not as bad as many made them out to be.

Which brings us to Louis Latierr's "The Incredible Hulk" or should we call a spade a spade and say Edward Norton's "The Incredible Hulk." Norton apparently came on board and was given some latitude in the writing process, which he fully exercised. Now he's at odds, somewhat, with the studio if you believe the New York Times, over the final cut of the film.

I don't much care, honestly, because Edward Norton as Bruce Banner and Tim Freaking Roth as the Abomination is enough to get me in the door. Throw in a 20 minute mid-city smackdown of the pumped up super beasts, a plot line that doesn't involve an ending I can't explain and cameo by Iron Man and Nick Fury and dammit, I'm not just there, I'm excited.

Drop the hype for a second, and look at the preview. What do we have? It looks like the origin story has been scrapped (that's fine) in favor of a fade in on a desperate and brooding Bruce Banner. He doesn't want The Hulk, he's together with Betty (thank God we're off that subplot) and the government is trying to exploit him. The Abomination starts breaking stuff, and the Hulk, in a great scene from the Ultimates line in the comics, hulks out via dropping off a helicopter. Cue superhero destruction. w00t!

Norton is a great performer and a genuine talent, that much is relatively undisputed. My anticipation of this film comes from the fact that a) Norton isn't just involved but ingratiated, b) the director seems to know his action, c) the rest of the cast looks solid to great and d) they look to be going a little more mainstream with a creature that's themes are very mainstream. Not to dump on Ang Lee, but the Hulk isn't necessarily about daddy issues (although I see why you went the way you went), it's more about duality. This trailer is all about duality.

Call me sentimental, but it will also be nice to see The Hulk as a hero instead of fighting for his own inner peace. I like it when buildings and women holding babies are on the line.

Norton + action +big green guy = anticipation. Pretty simple.

Picture Monday - I Wasn't Planning On It

Three things I'll mention about this photo

1) I fully realize it means don't bump this crate when at the shipping yard, but it's still funny.

2) It's not easy to be driving, passing a truck and pull out your camera to take a picture, even though it's funny. I wouldn't recommend it.

3) I am aware I have the sensibilities of a 12-year-old boy. And it's still funny.

Summer Movie List No 5 - Hellboy 2: The Golden Army

I'm a firm believer that we, as a culture, should just throw Ron Perlman a couple hundred thousand dollars every couple of months just for being so damn cool. The Hellboy franchise only makes me want to increase that amount that I'd be happy to pay in the form of a mill levy or a couple bucks more on the renewal fee for licensing my car. The dude is just cool. The voice, the way he carries himself and the way he gives soul to every character be they covered in hair, gallons of Plasticine or the red skin of a misplaced demon - the dude rocks.

And a lot of other components of the "Hellboy" franchise rocks. Guillermo Del Toro Rocks. Doug Jones, the guy inside the Ape Sapien make-up rocks. David Hyde Pierce, the voice of AS, rocks. Whoever Del Toro's production designer is...damn he rocks. Everything about this production screams "competent, borderline fantastic," and the previews, interviews and production stills give every indication that "Hellboy 2: The Golden Army" will be a great time with ideas that reach a little higher than the subject matter. Just like the original "Hellboy."

A couple element of "Hellboy 2" that I'm very interested in:

-The romance between Hellboy and Liz was one of my favorite romances of that year. The six pack at the mental asylum, the following of Liz on the roof by Red, "You should be running," the ending (is it dusty in here?), it's all very well done and where it goes now that they're together should be a fascinating study. Also, it brings about dorky "but how do they..." questions that I really don't want an answer to.

-The first movie was a nice little creature feature, but after the success of "Pan's Labyrinth" and the upcoming journey into Middle Earth on the horizon, I wonder if GDT is going to go ape shit with the beasts. I wonder if Hellboy 2 will be the first honest-to-God creature feature since...I don't know, the original Men in Black. They seem to have the imagination, and the geek cred to make it happen.

-If there's a weak point to the original Hellboy, it's the villain. Here, the same guy who was the very decent villain in Del Toro's "Blade 2" (who's name I'm too lazy to look up) is the villain here and he looks to be full throttle evil. A hero is only as good as his villain.

-A superhero story is always better once you remove the origin, with very few exceptions. When you can get right to it, you can cram more in and the first movie crammed a lot in. This flick should be pretty crazy when all is said and done.

-Ron Perlman, Ron Perlman, Ron Perlman. Here's my $8.50.

Summer Movie List No. 6 - Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

A friend of mine has a great theory that the "Indiana Jones" movies subscribe to the law of diminishing returns. No one in their right mind argues that "Raiders of the Lost Ark" is the pinnacle, one of the greatest adventure movies of all time, and the movie that solidified Harrison Ford as an icon, no matter how much he may loathe the title (and it really freaking seems like he does anymore). Then "Temple of Doom" which you can file under extremely interesting failure if you're a hater and brilliant departure if you don't, and "Last Crusade" which didn't really hurt anyone, but didn't dazzle them either, with a few exceptions.

So what do you expect from this one - brilliance or disaster? I have a feeling we're looking at both. They've done little to hide the fact that the movie's McGuffin (engine that drives the plot, like the Ark of the Covenant or the Holy Grail) is an alien artifact, nor have they hid the fact that there are countless "oh God I'm Old" jokes to be expected. To both, I say "Ug." If that's all there is, leave me out.

But that isn't all there is, obviously. Forget the fact that Steven Spielberg knows what he's doing, even if George Lucas somehow forgot how to infuse joy into a movie. Harrison Ford, in the brief previews, seems to be having a good time.

Hallelujah and it's about damned time.

If all that comes out of this movie is a charge from John Williams score and Harrison Ford turning in a performance where he seems to care about providing the audience with a sly, salty yet goodhearted hero, than the movie will be a success with me. You can throw all the aliens, Communists and Shia LeBoofs (yes, I know it's misspelled, but doesn't that seem like how it should be spelled to you?) at me you want, if Harrison's got a gleam in his eye, I'm a happy guy.

Now put Spielberg back into the picture. I happen to think the third act of his career probably isn't his strongest, but it's got to be his most interesting. What does a man who can make any movie he wants to do? He makes edgy sci-fi that takes chances so often they sometimes fall flat on their face, he makes personal stories about terrorism, he makes incredibly frothy comedy/adventure bio pics and he indulges, maybe too much, in high concept. And then he goes back to the well. What an interesting guy. I can't wait to see what he's so excited about.

Other reasons to get excited about this movie:

-Kate Blanchet may be dressed like Natasha from the Bullwinkle cartoons, but she has yet to turn in a truly bad performance.

-Ray Winstone. The guy is just great all around, see "Sexy Beast" and "The Proposition" among others.

-Karen Allen is back and looked like she hasn't aged a day.

-The afore mentioned John Williams.

It's enough to make you excited, provided you temper expectations and don't mind an ET reference or two. Hell, I might even forgive them as long as I get Harrison Ford back from the self imposed career hell he seems to be in.

To close, here's a little piece of brilliant:

Summer Movie List No. 7 - X-Files: I Want To Believe

If this summer has a theme, it's "movies we never thought we'd see." After an absence of almost a decade from the Silver Screen, the reality of a sequel to X-Files: Fight The Future seemed about as likely as the Smoking Man actually being dead. If you told me 15 months ago we'd be seeing an Indiana Jones sequel, another Hulk movie and an X-Files movie in one summer, I'd advise less prescription drugs and more attention to industry trends.

Yet, here's Mulder and here's Scully and on July 25th, here's the sequel. Wonders may never cease, and that's reason enough to look forward to the flick.

A couple other reasons - At it's prime, "The X-Files" was a fantastic show and since the last few seasons sucked kind of hard despite Robert Patrick's noble efforts, that fact can get lost in the shuffle. Truth is, the show was original, the show was full of charisma and the show had a mean streak that sometimes pushed the envelope of what you could show on TV. Look no further than The Fluke episode as proof...or Little Green Men...or the one with the red glowing eye beasts...or the episode aboard the Queen Mary...or, or, or.

The first movie, while not spectacular, was a solid piece of entertainment in my estimation, and I'm expecting nothing but solid from this flick. Call me crazy, but going in with middling expectations sometimes makes a good movie great. Also, call it a hunch, but I think David Duchovny is due. He abandoned Mulder out of boredom and I think he now realizes what a gem he had on his hands as an actor, and is ready to plow ahead full steam.

A nice, spooky, empty thrill type of movie that aspires for better things is just what the late summer sometimes orders. I think "X-Files" will fit that bill. And, Gillian Anderson continues to be hot.

Big Dog, Little Dog

My dogs don't know they're little. That dog sure as hell knows he's big.

Goose, Goose, Duck

"Radio Lab" which is one of those shows you should be listening to if you're not, had a great piece on a guy who had "auditory hallucinations" 24-7. Music would play in his head, loudly, drowning out his ability to concentrate, carry on a conversation and other vital functions. What he lost in his ability to communicate with the outside world, he gained a unique insight into his inner monologue. Whatever his mood, a song would blast in his head and he had to figure out what it meant. "Mary Had a Little Lamb" took on a political meaning. "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean" played on the widowers wedding anniversary.



It's strange what sticks in your head. For the man, "Bring Back My Bonnie To Me," was his subconscious way of saying "I miss her." A couple days ago, I saw an image that wormed its way inside my head and hasn't left and I think I'm dealing with the same kind of thing. As much as my conscious mind works day to day, week to week, it's my subconscious that's really got my number to the fifth decimal place.



Here's the image: A goose on the grounds of the museum I work at has been sitting along the stone edge of a moat for a few weeks. It sits and honks if you get close. It doesn't take a genius to know it's sitting on eggs. The past couple days, the wind has been really whipping around and this lone goose, through wind and rain and dark clouds has been sitting on this rather stupid place to put all your eggs. She hasn't budged, even though badgers and moles and other egg hungry creatures are perfectly capable of taking the same route onto the little island she is, leaving her her eggs no retreat.

I see this goose every day and it's been rattling around in my head like a bad song that won't seem to leave. First off, the moat water looks beautiful as it rolls and pitches. Every now and then a lone duck will kind of surf across the moat and it's beautiful. Second, the goose is constant over the past few weeks - never wavering.

Relating to the goose...I don't know. I guess it comes from the idea that there are predators all around and maybe the goose has backed itself into a corner. Maybe that's why it sticks - that it's in that corner every single day. It's one thing to feel trapped, though I don't really. But I don't think there's anything heroic about the goose. I find it kind of sad whenever I see it.

Not to offer dime store psychoanalysis, but I get the feeling my subconscious is telling me I've backed myself into a corner. I've got a few predators gnawing around that I know of. I'm hyperfocused sometimes and can't concentrate to save my life other times. I have as much responsibility and pressure as I guess I've ever had and the water churning underneath is not terribly beautiful.

But the goose is. I'll take a video.

Summer Movie List No. 8 - Speed Racer

Rational people look at this movie and roll their eyes. Here's three reasons why I've decided to be irrational and look forward to this movie.

1)It looks like they're playing it absolutely straight and that's damned interesting. Anime, in general, is something that excites its base audience and produces either furrowed brows or snarky comments from everyone else. I'm interested to see what happens when you take the dead serious tone of anime and translate it to a living cartoon, which is obviously what's happening here. It might work and if it doesn't work, you can at least file it under "I" for "interesting failure." More than anything, Speed Racer strikes me as an experiment in what audiences are interested in, and the box office is going to tell a lot about what that is, and what the future of this sort of thing will be.

2) It's a family film. From the guys who's last film involved fetish kung-fu and more philosophy discussion than that coffee house across from campus, the idea of turning around and making a family film is really odd. I didn't think the Wachoski siblings (one of them has undergone or is undergoing a sex change operation, rumor has it) had it in them. But what an interesting way to bring in the entire family. You've got bright colors and monkeys for the really young kids, crush worthy guys and girls and kung-fu for the tweeners, nostalgia for folks like me (Speed Racer was a nickname of mine in High School. Don't ask) and action for everyone. It strikes me as visionary to see that come down the pipe - especially when we're facing a summer of "The Dark Knight" and other films that will nail our collective jones for brooding.

3) I never really gave up on the Wachoskis. Sorry. I still think they can churn out entertaining and possibly revolutionary fare. My hope is "Speed Racer" is just entertaining and doesn't get too lofty, but it's very possible we're in for a style and method never before attempted. I think they can pull it off, even though after $200 million and four years in production, the last two Matrix movies left me with a resounding "eh." I'm not expecting an "eh" from Speed Racer.

Honorable Mention) Christina Ricci as an innocent grrrrrl with a bob. I'm not sure she's ever been hotter, to be honest, and I own "Black Snake Moan."

Picture Monday - ZZZzzzZZZzzzzt!

An early memory of mine involves visiting Yellowstone National Park and finding an image on their literature of a guy getting gored by a buffalo. The pencil-sketched man was in full rag doll mode and his midsection had taken on the distinct curve of a buffalo's head. Maybe it was my mind playing tricks on me years later, but I could have sworn one of the Buffalo's horns was through the guy.

Anyway, this sign reminds me of that, but more funny. I don't know, but that guy cracks me the hell up. It's apparently from the Benny Hill school of electric safety. You can almost hear Yakkity Smack being played.

It Takes More Than A Villiage

Man, Firefly was a great show. And a salient one to the Democratic Presidential campaign, as it turns out.

Huffingtonpost.com's front story right now is about how the perceived split between "progressives" and "democrats" is deepening, or how Hilary Clinton is POd at the Daily Kos crowd, who quit endorsing her probably two months ago. The "progressives" flood her events, she says, and intimidate her supporters into either leaving, or inaction.

While I'm an Obama guy myself, Mrs. Clinton has a pretty good point, and that is that passion can lead to impractical behavior. When you get a group of people who are passionate about anything, that's when the real trouble begins. People often feel complete solidarity. They feel empowered. They feel mighty and that mightiness stems from the perception many many people feel the same way they do. And most of the time, that's not the case.

Take the long ago cancelled TV show Firefly. Very few people watched the show, but those who did took it almost religiously. They lobbied and spent money to buy ads and told their friends and bought the DVDs and were so loud, an executive thought this small, vocal group might constitute a wider audience. "Serenity" the feature film came out a few years later, and it tanked. No matter how passionate the enclave of supporters, a majority of people weren't paying attention. No matter how hard fans wanted it, they were not in the main stream (and believe me, they wanted it).

What neo-conservatives do so brilliantly when it comes to running campaigns is hiding their message. Instead of saying "we're for the complete dismantling of the government" or "we still believe in Trickle Down economics," they say, with a wink and a nod that we're pitching a guy who aint too bright, aint too experienced but is a lot more like you than that educated fancy pants over there. A majority of Americans feel threatened about how smart they are - it's a mainstream idea. W. gets 4 years. Then, they hid "we want unending war" with "you're going to die if you elect that elite fancy pants over there." Boom. 4 more years.

While I agree by and large with most of the Kos crowd, their message is not mainstream. They are part of an enclave who believe, deep in their hearts with religious fervor, that if the public could just hear their message, if they could just talk to people for an hour or so, the progressive voice would spread like a virus. There would be no stopping it if people would just listen and comprehend.

But to beat a political party who has cornered the market on mainstream ideas as of late, you cannot take a piece of the Democrat pie and expect the entire country to take a bite. You need big ideas appealing to big audiences in your big tent. This isn't to say progressives should not fight for what they believe, they should and often do. But they need to understand where they stand. They're not watching "American Idol." They're watching "Firefly." Which is why Obama is worrying me right now.

Even though the numbers are bear him out, the "cult of Obama" could be a problem. If his supporters feel they're in the mainstream because they're surrounded by a passionate enclave, they could blind themselves and accidentally hurt the chances of a truly inspiring man to make it into office. The message needs to be, over and over again, that Barack Obama represents mainstream ideas because every attack on him thus far is that he's not a mainstream guy. He needs to be straight and honest and inspiring and as simple as humanly possible to bring in the audiences that cannot or will not respect his deeper qualities.

Last thought - I think most Firefly fans can tell you it hurt when Serenity bombed. It hurt on a personal level. It was like we, too, had been rejected. If Obama loses and his supporters feel the same way, I sincerely hope they don't take the hurt personally and give up politics all together. It's one thing to shrug your shoulders and accept there won't be a TV show anymore. It's another to completely give up on the machine that makes your country work.

Summer Movie List No. 9 - Kung Fu Panda

A word of explanation is in order.

See, I'm taken to a lot of kids movies. A lot. That's not to dump on the genre or say there are no good kids movies out there, but if I saw as many horror movies as I see kids movies, most people would think there was something wrong with me. Having young kids will do that to you.

As a side effect to sitting through more than my fair share of "Alvin and the Chipmunks" (hope you enjoy your lake house, David Cross), I think I've developed a nice little sense for what kids movies are going to suck and which ones might actually shoot for something beyond cultural references and fart jokes - one that might go for a family second viewing where the father in the audience doesn't want to take his own life with the nearest sharp instrument. Again, as someone who sat through "Disney Princesses: Follow Your Dreams" almost more times than my soul will allow, I appreciate a "family" movie that actually tries to make everyone smile.

And damn if I didn't smile during the trailer to this one. Check it out.




Notice how attuned this movie is to the martial arts genre? Notice how the fairly simple character designs foster an amazing set of movements? Notice how you didn't want to kill yourself while watching this? That's why I'm looking forward to "Kung-Fu Panda" because I now I'm headed there anyway. To put it in fortune cookie-ese, "approach Kung-Fu Panda with a smile, and you won't want to leap off a cliff to your grisly death".

I'm also anticipating this one because, in an odd way, it might be just what Jack Black needs. The dude has sort of been on the ass end of some choices that might have looked intelligent on paper, but didn't pan out in the theater. It's been rough, but one of my favorite things about celebrity-voiced animation is that you immediately lose all the baggage you have with having to watch an actor. By way of example -Woody Allen's best performance in 20 years was in the movie "Antz," where instead of looking at him and thinking "slept with his step-daughter, slept with his step-daughter," you're allowed to enjoy his neurosis-laden delivery for what it is. It was a masterful turn and maybe Jack Black can benefit from not actually being on screen.

"Kung-Fu Panda" also has been getting some good early notices, which doesn't hurt. Critics are saying they're cracking up and I believe them. I crack up a bit myself during the slo-mo at the end.

Picture Monday - New Fiction

What's wrong with this display? First person to spot it wins a puppy.

Sex! Now That I Have Your Attention Part 2

Through a stroke of luck, I was part of an informational fair today for the museum I work for, and was seated next to two very smart and dedicated ladies from the Central Health Center, where I'm on the board. One traveled and tested folks for HIV, the other worked the front lines at the CHC. She called herself a condom pusher.

During lulls in the fair, we talked about issues pertinent to CHC business, but then I got curious. Like many, I read the recent study from Florida that talked about the number of young people who believed ridiculous things about sex, such as a shot of bleach could cure a STD or that Mountain Dew served as a prophylactic. No kidding. http://www.local6.com/news/15773787/detail.html

I started to ask them about the urban myths in Florida (our most f---ed up state, thank you Tim Henson) and it turns out things are just as bad here. Among the myths these front-line employees reported hearing from girls right here in central Nebraska:

-AIDS is transmitted through toilet seats, but only in Africa.
-Douching with Coke (and only Coke) after unprotected sex will stop pregnancy. It has to do with the acid in the world's most popular cola, so she heard.
-Oral contraception for women can be shared with no change in the pills effectiveness
-You cannot get pregnant the first time you have sex (this is a pervasive one, they said)
-Women can't get pregnant if they have sex on top of the man.
And finally, and most terrifying
-You shouldn't wear condoms because they don't work.

That last one is really scary. Really really scary.

It's scary because it's what's taught in abstinence only education classes. There are many curriculum and many documented instances of this line of thinking going from our educators mouths into the heads of children. And, God love them, they're listening. And instead of using condoms, the one product that's worked more in my life personally than just about any other product, they just aren't using them at all. They're having sex, they're just not using condoms.

We can go on and on about how it's unconscionable that we're teaching our children information that is wrong and recommending action that is unrealistic. Your average young person loses their virginity before the age of 16, and that's factoring in those who make it to college as virgins.

And they're being taught not to use condoms. And they're listening.

If this administration has been scared of anything, it's been information. They desperately try to control the flow of information to fit their world view, and so far they've been remarkably successful at it. This is a fairly minor issue in the grand scheme of things, but any time, ANY TIME you have a large portion of the young population believing that Mountain Dew prevents pregnancy, it's time to move that priority up on the list. We are beating our children with silence and rank, partisan stupidity. And the front liners are dealing with it.

The woman who tests for HIV said, thankfully, there's not many cases in this area and those who have it tend to know. But, by and large, bad information led to their infection.

Imagine that.

Likes on Wednesday - Bad Religion

For the past few months, I've been collecting Pepsi caps because you can redeem them on-line for free music. It's worked pretty well, with the exception of there being no criteria for what songs you can buy with Pepsi Points and which you have to pay for via Amazon. Get your shit together, Pepsi Stuff.

Browsing the list this evening, I came across a name that instantly drew me back to the summer of 1994: Bad Religion.

I scroll the list. "Infected." That's worth 99 cents.

Gawd almighty I love this song. I remember it was my sophomore year of high school when I was just learning that love and sex was a contact sport. This song turns contact into combat.

It's guttural and great, the best song of this genre. Bad Religion went on to other fantastic songs, but pound for pound, nothing touches "Infected."

It's strange how you put together top 10 lists at one point in your life and then forget about them. I always thought "Stranger Than Fiction" was on my top 10 album list of all time, but I swear it's been 5 years since I've listened to Bad Religion.

In honor of their rediscovery and remembered greatness, let's deconstruct "Infected."




Now here I go
Hope I dont break down
I wont take anything
I dont need anything
Inauspicious. Nice groove. Moving on.


Dont want to exist
I cant persist
Please stop before I do it again
The existential malaise kind of takes hold here, but the song is so damn catchy at this point, it's hard to take it seriously as a piece of "poor me" songwriting. The last line hints at where the song is going to go from here.


Just talk about nothing, lets talk about nothing
Lets talk about no one, please talk about no one, someone, anyone
I love this line. The contradiction is fun from a lyrical standpoint, but the first phrase says a lot about relationships, from my experience. How many times have you told a friend "we talk about nothing," as a compliment. They talk about nothing, so please talk about something, for the love of God. To me, it hints at incompatibility, but attraction has taken hold...hence:


You and me have a disease
You affect me, you infect me
Im afflicted, youre addicted
You and me, you and me
It's easy to see why these lines are so damn catchy. Affect and Infect are nice halves of a whole phrase, but the "I'm afflicted, you're addicted" hints at something more. The whole song at this point, a phrase or two aside, is from the guy's POV. She's got him doing things against his will, which is why I love "I'm afflicted, you're addicted." Addicted to making him say "how high" when she says "jump"? Addicted to the feeling of power a woman has over any man at certain points in a relationship? Addicted to causing him pain? Ooooh, that's a good one. Next verse.


Im on the edge
Get against the wall
Im so distracted
I love to strike you
The violence rears it's head. This song has a lot of violent images, but this particular one works really well from the guy's perspective. He's backed into a corner, and what do desperate creatures do in a corner? Is the strike actual or metaphorical? Works either way (although I never condone violence against women).


Heres my confession
You learned your lesson
Stop me before I do it again
This line kind of reinforces the idea of physical violence on one level, but on another level you've got this idea - he did something to reveal his true nature. This could very much be about love. Exposing love is an incredibly vulnerable moment, so he confesses his love and she learns from that. Stop me before I do it again. It seems like a stretch, but the rhyme is really good. Onto the bridge.


Youre clear - as a heavy lead curtain
want to drill you - like an ocean
We can work it out
Ive been running out, now
Im running out
Dont be mad about it baby
Ah, the truth comes out. The situation makes him run, but it's complicated. How complicated? Onto the best part where the lead singer echos the chorus with these little gems:

I want to tie you, crucify you
Kneel before you, revile your body
You and me, were made in heaven
I want to take you, I want to break you
Supplicate you, are incurable
I want to bathe you in holy water
I want to kill you,
Upon the alter
You and me, you and me
Tell me that's not an honest declaration of love. Pain and pleasure just inches apart. Soul-sucking sacrifice and immeasurable joy. Chemicals going ape shit in your body, throwing thoughts no sane person would think into the front of your head. In inability for dispassion. A propensity for stupidity that seems completely rational. These lyrics are lovely.

Great song.

Summer Movie List No. 10

It occurred to me the other day that I haven't really written about movies recently. I used to quite a bit and am completely out of practice, so drop your expectations and maybe this will be fun.



I've decided, since the always interesting Summer Movie Season begins the first day of May practically, we'll spend April counting down 10 movies I'm fairly interested in seeing. Please excuse the mainstream nature of the list, but we're not going to get much by way of independent cinema. Movies that get a wide release, they come here. Movies that begin in New York and LA never come here unless we're talking 6 months down the road and it's a major "sleeper." Either way, it's major studio stuff. Enjoy.




No 10: Tropic Thunder

If the recent screening of "Animal House," as part of the film festival I'm involved in taught me anything, it's that I'm kind of hungry for the semi-smart ensemble R-rated comedies. You can watch gross-out R-rated comedies every day of the week and retire before you see them all, but the great ones like "Animal House" are hard to come by.

A little easier to find is the hard R action/comedy, a hybrid that's been done extremely well but never really settled as a genre. Beverly Hills Cop is a great example, but I tend to find movies like "Predator" funnier than most movies that try to be comedies, especially after a few beers.

Which is why "Tropic Thunder" barely made the list.

Don't make the mistake of thinking this movie is a sure thing. The potential for a high degree of suck is there, but so are the seeds for greatness. Robert Downey Jr. as a method actor who dyes his skin black for a role could go down in flames, yet the "what do you mean you people...what do YOU mean you people," line is probably one of the more clever jokes I've heard recently. Jack Black is hit or miss, all the time. And Stiller? The dude was brilliant once. I own The Ben Stiller Show on DVD and some of his work is spot on great, and should be used as an incantation against movies like "The Hearbreak Kid" or "Night at the Museum."

But the potential is there. And, if "Tropic Thunder" is headed for greatness, here's what it will need.

1) A slight touch on the high concept jokes and a fearlessness with the offensive ones.

2) Characters we don't want to see shot (I'm looking at you, Black!)

3)It can't get too inside baseball.

Should "Tropic Thunder" pull off this balancing act, this could be fantastic. There's greatness in the trailer. Take a good look.

"Tropic Thunder" comes out the second week in August.

Picture Monday - Nebraska Weather

A couple weeks ago, if you saw a guy in a 98 Pontiac Grand Prix going east on I-80 yelling what appears to be the F-word in loud, long bursts, that was me. This is why.

I've never been a car guy, but this was pretty sad. The negligence of basic car maintenance led to me not cleaning off the windshield wiper fluid spigot, and when dirt was kicked up, in my line of site it stayed. Fun stuff.

I didn't panic, exactly, but if I had gotten into an accident my annoyance level would have verged on panic. I hate little things like that.

What do you go for?

Nichole Kidman has never really done it for me, but there was this great scene in "Moulin Rouge," where she's discussing with her pimp (in the form of Jim Broadbent, the most amazing pimp eva!), what kind of woman the rich man upstairs is looking for. In Baz Luhrman's frenetic style, she bats her eyes and lifts her cheeks to denote "sunshine and bubbly," and furrows her brow for the "smoldering temptress." The rich man upstairs wanted the temptress. I would have gone for a bit of the bubbly, myself.

But the lust for the bubbly got me into hot water, at least in my own head, a couple days ago.

As a precursor, I'd like to explain that I'm basically a vanilla guy when it comes to sexuality. I'm not terribly shy about discussing it, but I'm not into BDSM, have never DPd and try my best to be GGG. If that's TMI, sorry. I've get predilections like anyone, but I'm not the type of guy who will draw pictures of the girls from Sailor Moon au natural or pressure my wife to wear a gold bikini a la Carrie Fischer. I'm nerdy, but I'm not nerdy.

The reason that needs noting is the movie "Enchanted," which was widely well received by critics and lavished with hundreds of millions of dollars by worldwide audiences. In the flick, princess Gisela (sp?), played by Amy Adams comes from the cartoon world into the real world thanks to some manner of plot device sorcery. The princess arrives in modern day new york with all her charms, fashions and naivete in tact.

There's a fatal flaw in the flick, as far as I'm concerned. When Gisela is a cartoon, she's a finely drawn piece of innocence in the Disney tradition. Once she comes to the real world, she's hot. Really hot. Bubbly hot. Can't take your freaking eyes off her hot.

Don't think for a split second I don't feel like a gigantic cad. But, like I said, I'm not shy about discussing these things, and this is truth that I think a lot of dads are denying. Amy Adams is hotter than the hottest hot thing in hot town. She's hella hot, which is amazing because I cannot stand the word hella, and yet I use it because it's what she is.

With that information in mind, let's move forward through the movie where Gisela starts learning about the world outside of instantaneous, romantic love she dubs "Happily Ever After" and starts asking about kissing and dates and what men and women do and...and suddenly I'm in a frame of mind I don't want to be when watching a kids movie in general, or with my daughter in specific. Call me old fashioned, but I like my live-action Disney heroins in the mold of Angela Landsbury or a prim and proper Julie Andrews (though she was smokin' in her day).

What I came to realize, as the movie went on, is that the Gisel character was the alpha-bubbly, the be all end all of a particular type that I happen to find very attractive. Was this on purpose? I don't want to blame Disney of anything other than wide-eyed innocence themselves, but this is a group that made over $145 million last year off hotel porn in their Disney resorts. I'm just saying they're not above selling sex, even in disguise, if there's a buck in it.

Since I've spent the entire post being a pig, I'd like to atone by suggesting this fantastic piece by Peter Segal of Chicago Public Radio:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=89318829

The End Of A Road

Sentimentality is a big part of who I am, as much as I might try to fight it. I'm not a "manly man" anyway (aside from running 3-4 miles a day), but certain emotions in the right launch code sequence and all of a sudden I'm fighting for air. Sometimes it's one or two emotions at once and I'm done.



Like tonight. Today during dinner, I found a piece of paper saying registration for Kindergarten was this Thursday, and my wife and I need to decide whether or not to sign up my oldest daughter. Tough decision, we seriously have not made it yet.



That's emotion number one. Emotion number two came not that long afterward, when we went downstairs to watch "Enchanted," which I haven't seen. On a side note, the chief problem with bringing Disney princesses to life, is I want to have sex with them. Amy Adams is hotter than hot in that movie, even though sex is the last thing on her mind. Maybe it's because sex is the last thing on her mind and she's corruptible. I'm digressing in a major way.



So during the show, the kiddo grabs my size 9 1/2 booths and starts walking around in them. I joke that I'm going to push her over and she waddles/runs as fast as she can away from me, tripping over a blanket and giggling like a loon. We proceed to do this six or seven more times, giggling more and more each time. I laughed, then fought back tears as hard as I could.

This part of her life is almost over, isn't it? I don't feel like I missed it, by any means, and I'm not one of those "it went so fast" guys. It's a cliche because when I think back to the times she's been in my life, it seems like a long time. So long I don't remember life without her, and kind of don't want to. She changed not just the way I acted ("a baby changes your life"...well no shit, it's a baby), but she changed the entire prism of how I look at things. How many more Friday nights are we going to hang out and giggle? How soon before she's got friends and dates and all that? How long before things get really hard and she breaks my heart like all kids break their parents hearts in some form or another? Not long, I imagine, but it all seemed limitless before tonight.

It's not limitless. And the end of this road feels really close tonight, I guess. Again, I'm an emotional light weight and the universe hit the right combo of buttons, but it's almost like I miss her already.

Then again, it's not like I don't have things to do...