Indiana Jones and the Purpose of Being

After the events of "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull," Mutt Williams is climbing down the mountain into the dense jungle, a changed young man.

Mutt: Hey dad, I've been thinking about what just happened.

Indiana Jones: And?

M: I've decided to go back to school, like you want..

IJ: Really?

M: Yeah.

IJ: Do you know what you want to study?

M: I'm thinking philosophy. Why are you laughing?

IJ: Well, it's not exactly science, is it?

M: Yeah, but after what happened up there, with the aliens fathering ancient civilization, how can you not spend the rest of your life thinking about that?
IJ: Ah, I've seen better.

M: What?
IJ: There's more to life than aliens, Junior. This one time your mother and I were fighting these Nazis who uncovered the Arc of the Covenant and...

M: Excuse me, what?

IJ: You know, the Arc of the Covenant between God and his chosen people. We found it in Egypt since after the crusades...

M: No no no...the Arc is real?

IJ: It melted a dude's face off.

M: But..so you're telling me, not only are there aliens skipping dimensions and founding civilizations in Africa, but there's physical proof of the God of the Old Testament?

IJ: Well, yeah.

M: Then are the aliens God or did God create the aliens? Wait...it doesn't matter, because if the Old Testament is true than God wants us to have it and whether those Gods are aliens or the aliens are created by God, then that book is the truth.

IJ: Archeology isn't about truth, it's about fact.

M: But you can't deny it's instructions straight from our creating force. I need to live by it's teachings, I need to ditch this leather jacket and sacrifice a goat. I need to learn how to deal with mold in my house in a sacred manner. I need to get circumcised.

IJ: Circumcised?

M: Well, it's a covenant between God and his people, isn't it? Can't have a covering on Henry Jones the Fourth, that's for damn sure. The only thing I need to figure out now is where the New Testament fits into this.

IJ: Well...

M: Well what?

IJ: Well, I drank from the Holy Grail this one time, and...

M: JESUS CHRIST, DAD!

IJ: No, it was this night who was tasked with gaurding the grail...

M: I don't care! You have physical proof that Jesus Christ exists in the form of the Holy Fucking Grail!

IJ: Watch your mouth, Junior.

M: You're right. I can't swear. I need to give away all my money, never hit anyone again, live following the teachings of Jesus and never eat grain on Sundays. I need to kill fig trees and overturn money changers. Oh Lord, my immortal soul is at stake.

IJ: Listen son, your mother and I...

M: To hell with the two of you. I need to go firebomb an abortion clinic.