Annoying Church Lyric of the Week

This one's so good, in a B-movie sort of way, we need to break it down line by line. The song is called Awesome God and rooms full of adults actually sing this with a straight face.

When He rolls up his sleeves he isn't puttin' on the Ritz
Our God is an awesome God.

Right off the bat, a sentence full of things that piss me off.

Let's start with the idea of God rolling up his sleeves. God has sleeves, apparently, and they need rolling up. Far be it from our deity to call on a seraphim or cherubim to do the job, he rolls up his own damn sleeves. He's just that kind of God. But why, one asks, is he rolling up his sleeves? If you put this line into context with the rest of the song, it's to administer some sort of holy beat down. He's rolling up his sleeves to kick some ass, as the next line demonstrates.

But we can't let this line get away with those last six words. First and foremost, it doesn't make a lick of sense. None. Not in context, not in a metaphorical sense, nothing. Logistically, God stripping down to do some Old Testament justice wouldn't put on a suit and tie, he'd roll up his sleeves like we've previously established. It stands to reason if he's taking off clothes, he's not dressing up. Even the larger idea of "Putting on the Ritz" means you're going all out, pulling out all the stops which, AGAIN, is not what the song is trying to say. It's like the author was stuck and decided to seek inspiration by hitting herself in the head with a rake or a shovel and the resulting jibberish not just made it onto paper, but past editors and those who choose music for churches. Moving on.

There is lightning in his footsteps and thunder in his fists
Our God is an awesome God.

Aside from committing multiple acts of violence against the English language, does this line make anyone else think of Zeus? I hope it's not just me.

When I was a kid I asked my parents what lightning and thunder were, and they told me it was God bowling. As it turns out, their answer to a cute kid might have made for better song lyrics than this piece of garbage. Forgiving the Old Testament interpretation of God (childish, boorish, prone to killing everyone) walking around like a pissed off monolith, in the first four lines we have God rolling up his sleeves and making fists. I'm thinking this is the same version of the Almighty that Pat Robertson said blew up the World Trade Center because of the feminists, pagans and homosexuals. It's not a flattering image and not inspiring in the least unless you're the type who pines to see the blood of your enemies spilt on the ground...which is an undeniably un-Christian thing.

Our Lord He wasn't joking when he kicked them out of Eden

Oh sweet Krishna on a pogo stick, who the Buddha thought this was a good lyric? It's God as shot through the prism of a high school pep rally, a pissed off Deity ready to administer punishment to the unfaithful, which in my experience never seems to happen. I'm also starting a search to find the person of faith who believes original sin was some sort of joke, like tomorrow God's going to come knocking and have a really good gut laugh and invite us back in for a nude fruit-a-thon. 3rd grade poetry nonsense, this lyric.

It wasn't for no reason that he shed his blood

I call a flag on the biblical reference, here. Yes, God is 3 in one, but the same God in a blue stained work shirt about to beat the shit out of some sinner who didn't make his dinner properly is largely uncredited as the savior - it's the son that subscribed to the whole suffering gig. And again, let's find the believer who thinks Jesus died for the sheer joy of crucifixion.

I think that we have too soon forgotten
That our God is an awesome God

Time for a beat down, brothers and sisters. Let's get ready for a good godly smack in the mouth.

Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom power and love
Our God is an awesome God

You've spent the first verse painting a picture with blood, now he's full of wisdom power and love? Cheap, that's all I've got to say. Cheap and inconsistent. Cheap and stupid. Cheap and juvenile, but mainly cheap. But I guess you've to to leave them with a smile on their face before communion or offering, huh?

One last thing I want to address - the subtle message that "our God is an awesome God" leaves room for the idea that other Gods are out there and they might be righteous or bodacious or might fly from a surfboard yelling Cowabunga! but are not, indeed awesome. I don't like polytheism in my Christian songs, call me old fashioned.

What an awful song.