I don't know how many people I know actually read this thing, so I'll try to be vague.
I'm int he middle of a battle of egos - two people who are too big for themselves and hurting the common good. And I want to write generally about that, just to get it off my chest and hopefully get some sleep tonight.
A while ago, I decided to put together a career path. That is, I saw many of my friends having a "point B" in their careers, as it were and decided I wanted to shoot for the executive directorship of a nonprofit sometime in the next few years. Nonprofits have boards, require fundraising and often, but not always, involve dealing with people whose egos make working with them difficult. It's something that up until a few days ago, I put under the "challenging but interesting" category. Now I'm putting it in the "dreading it but necessary category."
What I'm dealing with is a disagreement on a base level, two people who simply don't agree with each other and are at an impasse. This impasse is preventing progress, and I'm the only one that has direct contact with each party. It's not even necessarily my responsibility to deal with this issue directly, but I see it as a roadblock and next week it is going to HAVE to be resolved or all forward momentum will cease in a hurry.
The challenge becomes how to deal with two immovable objects. You can't move them closer toward each other, and you can't move them out of the way. The only option, as I see it, then becomes to chart progress around them, which will mean hurt feelings and probably backlash in the name of trying to act like an adult.
My severe distaste of confrontation (and the massive amount of shit I've taken in the past because of that distaste), didn't lead us here, thank God. These folks got to their starting and ending points on their own. The strange thing is, if this goes well I'm going to gain confidence in dealing with this sort of crap and I'll be one step closer to where I want to be. If I totally botch it and the worst happens, I will have made a fatal error, will move on and be closer to where I want to be. It's a good thing except for the massive pit in the bottom of my stomach and the resolve I find myself summoning in vain when I think about the looming confrontation with both parties.
Maybe if I think positively...ah screw that.
If anyone has any advice given this exteremely vague post, I'd love to hear it.
3 comments:
Speaking as someone who probably hates confrontation as much as you (as evidenced by this morning's bolting away from an uncomfortable reunion with an ex) I have no advice on dealing with two egos. I have, however worked in an office of 12 women who didn't always all get along. When I left that job, I was told in my exit interview that I was seen as the 'buffer' in the office. I don't know what that means really, but I've always tried to just keep my own opinions to myself and wear a game face when it comes to office politics.
I have no idea how any of that applies to your sitch, it probably doesn't really. But maybe the way forward is to suck it up and do what you think is best for whatever the problem or obstacle is. That's what's really important - the eventual goal. If you have to step on a toe or ruffle a feather to make the thing work or run or whatever it is, then so be it. But you can probably find a way to do it diplomatically. It's just a matter of finding the right way of exlpaining things to the Egos.
/end pointless late-night ramble.
Being a buffer is a good thing - in this situation without me there, I'm sure we'd be looking at fistacuffs and implosions by now.
I think I'm going to have to suck it up, which is what you advise. So, on that front, excellent advice.
Ex run ins suck. You know what sucks even more? Living below your ex in an apartment for a year.
Ouch. Yeah okay you win that one :)
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